Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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