Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
