Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
