Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
