Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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