Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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