So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
