Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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