I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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