Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
