Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
