I feel like I'm in dance class right now
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
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THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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