I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
