Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
