stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
