I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
