So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
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She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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