does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
