She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
