You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I enjoy the company of your penis
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
