I want to walk on stilts...naked
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
