I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
