I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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