Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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