when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
