i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
