Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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