I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize