Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
