My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Found your dick twin last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
