Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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