I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
