So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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