I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
