With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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