I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
MIDGETS
????
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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