Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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