I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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