Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
