This is not my ceiling
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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