I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
