the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
