nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
