I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize