you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
