Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
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had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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