I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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