i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
