i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
