I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
