Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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