Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
