There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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