Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Green mimosas i think yes
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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