i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
