I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
