You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
