I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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