Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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