I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
