I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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