His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
