I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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