my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
