its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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