I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
third nipple confirmed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
