I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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