Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize