sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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